A Breath of Fresh Air with Renewables
Reclamation Way Newsletter - Issue 2 | May 13, 2022
A Breath of Fresh Air with Renewables
Good hell, I feel like I can finally breathe! (literally and figuratively)
I don't know about you, but climate angst weighs heavy on me, dragging me down like a wet blanket. But now with an operating solar array on our roof, my environmental grief has eased. I feel like I can breathe more deeply, rest more peacefully, and live a bit more lightly.
I know that I haven't arrived. I know there's a long way to go to net zero, but this has been the most visceral step in my regenerative journey - by far. I highly recommend it.
I've found that environmental grief is like all other grief; it doesn't go away. You just learn to live a bit better with the pain, the loss, the tragedy. My relief has come two-fold:
Pull my head out of the sand to accept the whole reality of disintegrating systems and climate catastrophe
Get my Self and my life into integrity with the solution
The regenerative living journey is a long one, and I'm ok with that. I'm down for the long haul. I envision myself standing at the trailhead with tens of thousands of miles ahead of me. I find solace in at least being on the trail.
What totally broke me down was living in contradiction. There are so many, and surely mine are different from yours. A few of my big ones were working in a financial system that perpetuates the imperialist, white-supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal machine; running up a fossil fuel debt; and eating industrial animal products.
Each of those lifestyle habits is a dominating act, which means that others suffer for my benefit. While I hated inflicting domination, I didn't know how to get out. So I did what others do, I put that contraction in a box in my mind, made all sorts of excuses about how I'm making up for my lifestyle in other ways, and poured myself a cocktail!
But the contradictions ate at me, slowly, bit by bit. Because deep down, I knew that I was inflicting pain on others through the way I was living. And that just gnawed at me, festering in the night, and oozing into all the crevices of my psyche. I worried that if I let the contradictions fester too long, they'd become cancerous.
One day my grandkids will quote my leathery and unsophisticated mantra in life, which is this:
“You can spend your whole damn life bullshitting others, but on your last day of life, you can't bullshit yourself.”
So, I pulled the trigger. I opened the floodgates. I let the contradictions loose, and they came pouring out all over me in mess of emotions - loss, devastation, and fear. Fear was the big one - fear of change, fear of losing my identity, fear of losing security, fear of being alone. I was terrified with thoughts, like, “How will I manage if everyone I know continues on the fossil fuel highway of the traditional paradigm, and I'm all alone seeking regeneration in a world totally new to me?!”
Anyway, long story short, I got over all that.
And now I'm on a regenerative living journey. Renewable electricity is just one step, but it has been an amazing one. It's not because I'm offsetting my electric bill by $150/month. It's because I'm finally addressing those festering contradictions that kept me pinned down as a small and fractured human. Again, while I'm a far, far way out on this journey to becoming a net-positive contribution to the world (and there are certainly many more contradictions to release) at least I'm on the trail.
I share this experience because it's important to validate that making big life transitions is extremely challenging and ultimately the irrational fears are what keep us locked in place. I'm here to show you that when you leap into regeneration, you'll be in good company.
In closing, change your life and go renewable. It's worth it!
